Cry ‘Havoc!’ And Let Slip The Old Dogs Of War

Like the current president, the old president just cannot go into the good night. There is something about that particular generation of elected officials — the narcissism of it all. The elected class of Boomers have saddled us with debt, a massive welfare state, hippies, and themselves. They can’t let go. They can’t retire. We are all forced to relive their psychological dramas with them, part of a sick reality TV show where we pretend they are all still in their forties, competent, capable of non-chemically induced erections, able to fight Cornpop and combovers and don’t — definitely do not — have old people smell.

God bless our seasoned senior citizens. I truly love them all. But like fish in the fridge for three days, the seasoned senior citizens who refuse to let go of elected power with octogenarian ambitions of greater glory have lingered on the stage past their prime.

Why can’t the Boomers of elected America be more like the Boomers of America who never got elected — you know, the ones who greet you at Walmart or look after the grandkids, or have a few drinks on the golf course telling funny stories, or give great advice based on their lived experience or, in other words, don’t run around screaming “LOOK AT ME. I AM RELEVANT AND HAVE POWER.”

Thus Donald Trump, like Marc Anthony, swears revenge over the body of his Caesarian ambitions of old, murdered by Zombie Hugo Chavez, an Italian server, and voting machines insufficiently suffocated under my pillow.

He’s on the road campaigning and the great threat of the day is none other than Joe Biden’s shared mortal foe — the Governor of Florida for whom, unlike Biden, Trump voted.

DeSantis, who Trump voted for, is such an awful, terrible man that Trump cannot run against DeSantis honestly. He is, instead, blasting DeSantis for closing beaches in Florida. In reality, DeSantis got savaged by the national press while Trump was President for refusing to close beaches and having the audacity to fight local governments that sought to close those beaches.

The press corps interviewed a progressive lawyer dressed as the Grim Reaper who would roam DeSantis’s beaches predicting woe and death. I guess Trump was busy and missed all that.

On the campaign trail, he is attacking DeSantis for closing beaches DeSantis never closed. To DeSantis’ credit in not punching down against a near eighty-year-old, DeSantis has not pointed out actually it was Trump who attacked DeSantis for reopening public schools Trump demanded stay closed.

I know the man wants to avenge his not-stolen second term.

I know the man thinks DeSantis is all that stands between him and Biden getting the senior discount at Wendy’s.

But it probably is unwise of the man who platformed Tony Fauci to attack the man who declared his state a Fauci-free zone.

It is probably unwise of the man who attacked Brian Kemp and Ron DeSantis for reopening their states to, well, attack the men who were proven right.

And it is probably unwise of Trump to attack DeSantis for vaccine drives for the vaccine Trump bragged about rushing through with Operation Warp Speed.

If Donald Trump really wants to run again to avoid the loneliness and boredom of a grandfather’s life, so be it. Maybe he can go the distance. But 2024 is not 2016. Hillary Clinton is not on the ballot, and Trump has several viable alternatives who stole his playbook and got results. My gosh, the man got beaten so badly by Biden that you might as well call Trump “Corn Pop.”

“He fights!” they said of Trump. Have you seen what DeSantis did to Disney? Have you seen what he is doing to that woke college? Have you seen what he did for Florida during COVID? Have you seen how he has steered Florida’s economy? Did you know Donald Trump voted for him? Yeah, that DeSantis guy fights too, and his punches land more often, more recently, and with more relevance to current news cycles.

Maybe Trump, if he really wants to do this, should build himself up without having to tear down the governor he voted for.