Against Poo Flinging Monkeys

It is official. Republicans have taken back the House of Representatives. They gathered yesterday to announce their first official act: an investigation into Hunter Biden.

Dumbasses.

What a bunch of idiots. The American people just rejected the GOP “own the libs” strategy. They signaled they’d love to have responsible adult Republicans in charge. In fact, from NEW YORK STATE !!!! to Arizona, voters elected Republicans who ran on local issues tied to the economy and crime.

The GOP won the House of Representatives in large part because Lee Zeldin and the New York Republicans focused like a laser on the economy and crime.

So the first big act of the GOP is to investigate a guy who is already being investigated by the feds and headed towards a prosecution. Sure, they say it is about Joe Biden. But here’s a dirty little secret.

All of you mad at me for ridiculing this already love this and if they did not do this, you’d still vote for them. There’s not a single damn independent voter in America who is going to look at this and think, “Oh my gosh, I so regret voting Democrat in November.” In fact, most independent voters think both parties are already corrupt and play the system to their advantage. In 2016, Donald Trump pointed it all out and voters loved him for it. This is just more of that and won’t accomplish anything.

The GOP lost 13% of its own voters in the general election and a majority of independent voters. It is the first election in five where the independents sided with the incumbent president’s party. The areas of the country where the independents sided with the GOP were areas where the GOP did not run poo flinging monkeys intent on making spectacles of themselves while screaming about 2020.

What a stupid, stupid thing to do. This is basically a big middle finger to the independents who just rejected the GOP because these voters were afraid they’d be handing the GOP over to “own the lib” poo flingers instead of responsible adults who actually want to govern.

“But it’s a divided Congress so all we can do is investigate,” they say.

OK. So how about you investigate FTX and its ties to regulators and Democrats. A lot more Americans lost their money through that grift than through Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Oh hey, maybe investigate the Biden Administration’s collusion with environmental groups to hurt American energy production.

No. Wait! How about forming a special committee to investigate the national security apparatus of the United States with a special focus on the Federal Bureau of Investigation?

Or, I don’t know, maybe investigate the Department of Education collaborating with school boards to declare parents terrorists.

Uhhh… the border? Maybe?

Just a few ideas that send a better signal than “this is payback” and “we have no real agenda.” It is utterly predictable and exactly why 13% of the GOP and a majority of independents voted Democrat because they’re exhausted by the “own the libs” b.s. by the GOP and the poo flinging monkeys who bang away at keyboards without accomplishing anything.

And if you really, really, really want to do a Hunter Biden investigation, why the hell did you make it your first big announcement? Lack of impulse control? You just stepped on your own narrative.

Republicans needed to send a signal on day one that they received the voters’ message and will focus on the economy, energy, crime, and the border. Instead, their very first big announcement is investigating the Biden family via Hunter Biden’s laptop.

That will play well in conservative media and conservative bro Twitter. But the GOP already has those voters. Many reading this will cheer on the investigation into Hunter Biden and claim I don’t get it. But I do get it. They decided to scratch an itch of the hardcore base — a base they already have and will not lose — instead of responding to the voters' message.

The House GOP decided to become poo flinging monkeys. They’ll just throw crap out there for the spectacle of it and remind Americans their judgment of the party on election night was right.

Ironically, this allows a governor to run against Washington — not just the Democrats, but the GOP as well. This provides an opportunity for a Republican Governor to pull a Trump 2016 and make it about the broken and unserious establishment ignoring the needs of Americans in favor of the cheap thrills of getting nothing done.

“But ERICKSON!!! It’s really, really, truly an investigation into Joe Biden, not Hunter Biden. They said so.”

And they said they’d repeal Obamacare too.

Seriously, they do this stuff because so many members of the base will seal clap, nod along, and feel like “finally somebody dun stuck it to Lyin’ Biden. Let’s go Brandon hunting, boys!” They’ll do nothing. Those of you who eat it up are called marks.

Meanwhile, the voters we need to grow our majority roll their eyes.